Seemed simple enough, right? Swish some coconut oil in your mouth for a bit while you goof off on Facebook and Pinterest. *Yeah right.*
The Powerful Google told me to just put 2 teaspoons of coconut oil in my mouth for twenty minutes. Here’s how that went down:
Ok, it’s time to start the bedtime routine. I’ll start this first and do my other stuff while I pull. Mmmmmhmmm.
Grab ingredients. I added orange because my oily friends said it helps with whitening.
*puts blob in to my mouth* Immediately, I have come to realization I’ve made a grave mistake. I’m going to gag. I’m going to spit this gooey blob all over the mirror. Ok, ok, I can do this. It will melt soon.
Can’t you just *see* how fun this is?!
Ok, it’s melted. WINNING! Geez, this isn’t so bad. Orange adds a nice element too.
(Fast forward five minutes.)
I’ve now taken out my contacts. Got jammies on. Brushed my hair out.
(Now, at seven minutes.)
Ohhhh holy hell. How does someone do this for TWENTY MINUTES?! This is some serious torture. Time for the head bun. It means business, you know.
My eyes are burning! My tongue muscles! I didn’t even know there were muscles where I feel pain! My chin is burning, apparently I never use that muscle connection tissue!
(15 minutes have passed.)
I’m contemplating the meaning of life while I enjoy my time in solitary. I mean, the camper bathroom. Wait? I’m enjoying this? I need a house. Stat.
I’m curious, though. How does one do this to the TP?!
Just ignore that I haven’t matched up the wallpaper yet. I had no idea how sucky wallpapering is and quite frankly, I’m not up for that *fun* again anytime soon. Quite frankly, that wallpaper’s bigger purpose in life is to be the “peepee barrier” from the real wall of the camper because I have a young child. And I thought tiny toilets made aiming easier. So, so wrong.
FINALLY, twenty minutes. YESSSSS. I win!
Oh, wait.
Before you get too excited, make note to wear a crappy shirt before your first oil pulling attempt. You will dribble it down you as you try to figure out the best way to spit that crap out in the trash can with your chin muscles in fiery agony. It will stain your shirt and remind you of your wonderful experience. Forever.
I’ve never been so excited to brush my teeth in my life!
P.S. The wonderful camper lighting is totally awesome, no? Yeah, you’re right. No. But I don’t feel like editing them because my tongue muscles need me to go to bed now.
Comments